The perfect minister

Somebody slipped me the following a few days ago.  From experience (my own and that of others), much more might be added, but that’s beside the point.  What’s wrong with yours?

If his sermon is longer than usual, “He sends us to sleep.”

If it’s short, “He hasn’t bothered.”

If he raises his voice, “He’s shouting.”

If he speaks normally, “I can’t hear a thing.”

If he’s out visiting, “He’s never at home.”

If he’s at home, “He never visits.”

If he talks finance, “He’s too fond of money.”

If he doesn’t, “Nobody knows what he’s up to.”

If he encourages mission, “He wears everybody out.”

If he doesn’t, “The church is dead.”

If he takes time with people, “He goes on and on.”

If he is brief, “He never listens.”

If he decorates the church, “He’s spending too much money.”

If he doesn’t, “He’s letting everything go.”

If he is young, “He lacks experience.”

If he is old, “He ought to retire.”

And, if he dies?

Well, of course, nobody could ever take his place.